Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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