Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize