She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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