Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
