I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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