she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
