Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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