You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
