erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
