My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
