She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
God, I missed his penis.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
