note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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