Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
