i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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