I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
