I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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