he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
17 year olds will be the death of me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
