im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
