she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
