OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
