He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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