He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
