never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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