sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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