STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
