I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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