my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
