It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
