you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
