And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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