Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
