Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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