Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
