i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
