:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How does it feel to date your dad?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
