I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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