Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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