Can i not drive my cunt home
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
