My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize