Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
