did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize