fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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