I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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