I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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