Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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