Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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