please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
