Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
