O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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