Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize