I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize