i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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