Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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