Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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