he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
