The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
