Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
