My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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