Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
