Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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