i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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