We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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