Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
