I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize