Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
