Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
