oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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