Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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