The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
