I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
