i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
