dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize