Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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