Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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