Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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