just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
