It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
