Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
