based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
