just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
