Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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