If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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